Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Weigh-In Wednesday

Well, I've gone to start today's post several times already this morning. But then I've thought of other things and have gotten distracted. I guess part of me is avoiding the inevitable. By starting today's weigh-in post, I had to actually commit to running upstairs and hopping on that scale. Maybe I can claim moments of weakness, or maybe I actually do posess a faulty bathroom measurement device. But the long and short of it is that I have not lost anymore weight this week. I have not gained...always a positive...but I have not lost. But I have lost something, and that is my motivation.

This morning I found myself singing "Where oh where has my motivation gone." Monday was so hard for me. I was tired, and I was really looking forward to nap time when I could catch up on some TV viewing and just relax. But all I could think about was that I NEEDED to get some exercise in. So after I laid Zander down and helped myself to a quick lunch, I VERY grudgingly did a 30 minute Boot Camp workout. And the whole time I am not wanting to do it- looking forward to the 30 minute mark so I could turn the darn thing off. And I swear my mental state has some effect on the quality of the workout, because I felt like I had completely wasted that half hour. So yesterday came along, I got Zander down and I went back and forth on that workout. I also had Monday night's 7th Heaven and Everwood waiting for me on the DVR, and I was so waffly! Do you know what I did? I headed to the kitchen, threw some cookies in the oven and sat down to watch my beloved shows.

I deserve to be taken out and be stoned with cookies. ;-)

I have no idea what today is going to bring. I've really been bit with the baking bug, the last few days have seen cupcakes, chocolate cake, and cookies go through the kitchen, and I have this urge to dash in there and whip something up. I do have to make some caramel today for this coming weekend's caramel apple goings-on, so maybe that will help out.

I was so going back and forth on really posting today, but what's the point of posting my little adventure here if I am not completely honest. The point is to be accountable to myself, and it helps that I know so many people check in here... But then I got a really nice e-mail from someone who mentioned they haven't checked in on the blog the last few weeks because they didn't want to feel let down for not keeping up. Well, today's post is inspired by that person- because everyone who attempts any kind of weight loss program is going to stumble and fall. I think it's worse on those of us who can cook and bake. Really. We don't have to worry so much about a package of cookies or a candy bar calling. What we have to worry about calling is all the random ingredients in the pantry that can easily be combined to become the most decadent pudding cake... And the answer there is certainly not to banish flour, butter, and eggs from the kitchen. It's finding the balance. I'm just not willing to give up the goodies. I love to make them, I love to eat them, and I absolutely love the look on Abigail's face when she walks in the door from school and sees the cooling racks loaded with cookies. And the look on Zander's face while he samples all the ingredients seperately, and then waits patiently for the first batch to cool down enough to eat one. I will happily maintain a few extra few pounds specifically for that purpose.

So where does that leave me? That leaves me at that darn exercise. I HAVE to expend the extra calories I want to take in. I am still eating smarter at meal times. Loading up on the veggies and good carbs, but if I want to indulge in ice cream sandwiches and truffle cheesecake, I have to work for it. I have to find a way to look at not eating the goodies as a positive versus a negative, and I have to do a daily workout. I do go for at least one walk every day with Zander. And I have also been working on some spring cleaning, so that's fairly intensive cleaning- which counts as exercise in my world. But somewhere here, I have to find that spark. That bit of energy and gumption to pull out my step and do a workout. I guess we will see. I make no promises, only to be completely honest here and hopefully in the next few days I will find that motivation and inspiration.


val said...

thanks, erika. that post helped me in some way... glad I checked in today. :)

anyway, if we keep plugging along, we will get there. even with all the bumps along the way.

Erika said...

It really helps me to be honest. (Insert blush here.) I certainly am not about to hold myself up as perfection. Yikes. Myself, I did feel more motivated today simply because I unloaded I think. I went for a longer walk with Zander, and picked up a little something today which I will talk about next Weds.